Random jokes lol

There were these three guys. They had been walking for 3 days and were very tired. They found a hotel, rented a room and went to sleep. Then, this old guy comes in out of nowhere, and says there is a magic pool just outside their hotel room. He tells them "Ok, you must jump off the diving board, and yell out what you wanna land in."

So the three guys go over to the pool. The first guy, a vegetarian, yells out "Bananas!" and lands in a pool of bananas. The second guy was money hungry and yelled out "Money!" and lands in a pile of money. The third guy jumps, when a bird shits on his head, and he yells "Oh Shit!


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The patient says, "Give me the bad news first!"
Doctor replies, "You've got AIDS."
"Oh, no! What could be worse than that?" asks the patient.
"You've also got Alzheimer's Disease."
Looking relieved the patient says, "Oh...Well, that's not so bad. At least I don't have AIDS."


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During their silver anniversary, a wife reminded her husband: Do you remember when you proposed to me, I was so overwhelmed that I didn't talk for an hour?" The hubby replied: "Yes, honey, that was the happiest hour of my life."


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One day a girl brings home her boyfriend and tells her father she wants to marry him. After talking to him for while, he tells his daughter she can't do it because he's her half brother. The same problem happens again four more times! The girl starts to get bored. She goes to her mom and says, "Mom... What have you been doing all your life? Dad's been going around laying every maiden in the town and now I can't marry any of the five guys I like because they have turned out to be my half brothers!!!"

Her mom replies, "Don't worry darling, you can marry any one of them you want, he isn't really your dad."


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Thats all... for now !!
C YA

i like the one about the couple "husband and wife"
it's always true
thank for this article!!!
very funny

not at all :p

Very goooood "lablebi" , I find your suggestion-proposing jokes-a good idea.

I like the last one it's funny.

That's very important to have some jokes in our forum !
thanks a lot Lablebi

** Two Balloons (present tense version)

Two balloons are floating across the desert.

One balloon says to the other:

"Look out for the cactussssssssssss!"



** Two Balloons (past tense version)

Two balloons were floating across the desert.

One balloon said to the other:

"Look out for the cactussssssssssss!"

Penguin

A man was walking along Hietzinger Hauptstrasse near Parkhotel
Schönbrunn when he found a penguin walking along the road.
So he picked it up and took it to the local police station.

He said to the policeman "I found this penguin on Hietzinger
Hauptstrasse, near Parkhotel Schönbrunn. What should I do with it?"

The policeman looked at the man and said "It's obvious what you should
do with it! Take the penguin to Schönbrunn Zoo.

The man said "Of course, I'll take it to the zoo" and he left the police
station with the penguin under his arm.

The next day the policeman was on duty in the city centre when he saw
the man walking along the street with the penguin by his side. The policeman stopped the man and said "I thought I told you to take the penguin to the zoo?"

The man replied "Yes, I took it to the zoo yesterday. Today I'm taking it to see the Opera House."

Genie joke

A woman is walking along a beach when she finds an old oil lamp.
She picks it up and rubs it, and out comes a genie.

The genie says to the woman, "Thank you for freeing me from the oil lamp.
I will grant you three wishes, but whatever you wish for, your horrible ex-husband will get twice as much. What is your first wish?"

The woman says, "I'd like a million dollars in my bank account, please!"

The genie says, "You now have a million dollars in your bank account,
and your ex-husband now has two million dollars. What is your second wish?"

The woman says, "I've always wanted a nice car. I'd like a brand new
Rolls-Royce, please!"

The genie says, "You now have a new Rolls-Royce in your garage
at home, and your ex-husband now has two new Rolls-Royces.
What is your third wish?"

The woman thought for a while and then said, "I'd like you to remove one
of my kidneys, please!"

Sue the Genie, he is a criminal !! :p ( two kidneys are a bit much )
but it seems that his ex-wife never cared of him, she wanted his death ===> she is so terrible

A duck walks into a bar and walks up to the bartender and says "Excuse me, do you have any paperclips?"

The bartender replies, "No, get out of here."

The next day the duck comes back in and goes up to the bartender and asks the same question, "Excuse me, do you have any paperclips?"

Again the bartender replies, "No, get out of here."

On the third day the duck comes in and asks the same question, "Excuse me, do you have any paperclips?"

Finally the bartender is furious and he replies, "No! If you come ask me that again I'm going to nail you to the wall!"

The next day the duck comes in and goes up to the bartender and says, "Excuse me, do you have any nails?"

The bartender looks confused and says, "No."

Then the duck smiles and says, "Do you have any paperclips?"

Two uneducated farmers, a father and son, go to a mall for the first time. This was their first time ever leaving the farm and going into the city, they were completely unfamiliar with all that they saw.

While wandering the mall the came across a shiny wall and stopped to look at it. While they were looking at it an old woman in a wheel chair rolled up to it and pushed a button and the walls opened up and she rolled inside and then they closed up on her.

They stared in amazement wondering where she had gone. Moments later the walls opened up again and a beautiful woman walked out.

The son looked to his father in amazement and said, "What is that dad?"

The father replied, "I don't know son, but go get your mother."

A man walks into a dentist's office and says to the dentist, "I need help."

The dentist responds, "Well, what seems to be the problem?"

The man replies, "I think I'm a moth."

The dentist gives him a questioning look and says, "I think you need a psychiatrist, not a dentist."

The man then says, "I know, I just came in here because the light was on."

After being with her all evening, the man couldn't take another minute with his blind date. Earlier, he had secretly arranged to have a friend call him to the phone so he would have an excuse to leave if something like this happened.

When he returned to the table, he lowered his eyes, put on a grim expression and said, "I have some bad news. My grandfather just died."

"Thank heavens," his date replied. "If yours hadn't, mine would have had to!"

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At a jewelry store, a young man bought an expensive locket as a present for his girlfriend. "Don't you want her name engraved upon it?" asked the jeweler. The young man thought for a moment, and then, ever the pragmatic, steadfastly replied,

"No, just engrave it: To My One And Only Love. That way, if we break up and she throws it back to me in anger, I can use it again."