Nine Most Important Questions to Ask Before You Get Married

The Nine Most Important Questions to Ask Before You Get Married


Deal Breaker Question #1 -- Children

Sometimes love just isn't enough to keep a couple together.
So often on the Marriage Forums, a person will share an issue in a marriage that is an obvious deal breaker. When asked if the issue was discussed prior to getting married, the answer is often "no."
Don't make that mistake. Don't get married without knowing your future
spouse's thoughts on these issues that can kill a marriage. Compromise is usually not an option if the two of you disagree on these issues that can be deal breakers.

1. Do you want to have children?
It is a huge red flag in your relationship if you and your future spouse can not agree on whether to have children or not.
Thinking that you can deal with this issue later in your marriage is a mistake. Making a decision to have a baby when one parent doesn't want to have children is not fair to the child or to your marriage.

Deal Breaker Question #2 -- Money
2. Can we talk about money?
The mechanics of how the two of you will handle your finances really
isn't the issue. Many couples in successful marriages have separate
checking accounts and many couples in successful marriages have one
account.

The issue is whether or not the two of you can calmly and practically talk about money.
If how your money is spent, or saved, or not spent is an issue before
you get married, it will be an even bigger issue after your wedding.
If your future spouse doesn't want to talk about money, or doesn't
think talking about money is important, postpone your wedding until
this issue is solved.

Deal Breaker Question #3-- In-laws
3. How much time will we spend with our in-laws?
They may be wonderful people who love you both, but your in-laws should
not be allowed to interfere in your marriage relationship.
If either one of you will not set boundaries with your own parents when
it comes to visits, phone calls, finances, children, etc., the problem
with your in-laws will only worsen.

Deal Breaker Question #4 -- Chores
4. Will you clean the toilet?
If the answer is "no" or "why should I?" or "Isn't that your job?", you have several options.

• You can hire someone to do the chores that neither of you wants to do.
  
• You can accept that you will be doing 90% of the chores around the house.
  
• You can discuss the importance of sharing the household chores together.
  

If none of these options work out, call off the wedding. This is
another one of those issues that won't suddenly get better after you
sign the marriage license.

Deal Breaker Question #5-- Time
5. How do you want to spend our days off?

The answer to this question will reveal several things.

• How your future spouse likes to spend free time.
  
• The value your future spouse places on having fun together.
  
• Whether or not you will come first before work.
  

Balancing work and fun and family time and personal time is not easy.
Without talking about the time aspect of your life together, you may
find yourself grumbling because your spouse is spending what you
consider to be too much time with old friends and extended family, or
on hobbies, sports, the computer, etc.
Living a balanced life together will create the time you both need,
individually and together, for vacations, quiet time, and fun time.

Deal Breaker Question #6-- Addictions
6. How often do you drink?
The answer to this question, or to questions about smoking cigarettes
or using drugs, will reveal whether or not your future spouse has a
potential addiction problem which could end up not only threatening
your marriage but could also put you in legal and financial jeopardy.

Deal Breaker Question #7 -- Abuse
7. Have you ever hit someone?
If your future spouse has anger management issues, or tries to control
who you see and what you do, or is causing you to walk on egg shells,
cancel your wedding.
These are signs of a potentially abusive personality. Don't think you
can "save" him or her. You can't. This is a problem that needs
professional counseling.

Deal Breaker Question #8 -- Fidelity
8. Do you think it is important to be faithful to one another?
Open marriage and swinging is okay for some married couples, but most
want and prefer a monogamous relationship. If your future spouse and
you have differing opinions on what cheating is or isn't, don't get
married until this issue has been discussed.

Deal Breaker Question #10 -- Long-lasting Marriage
10. What do you think we'll be doing in thirty or forty years?
If your future spouse can't answer this or won't answer this, then the
two of you need to talk about long-lasting marriage expectations.

Why marry someone who doesn't think your marriage will last?

Thank you Rahma !!!! good luck for you!!